Languages are often in flux. As people speak and write, new words develop and others are forgotten. Sometimes words lose their usefulness as a people's manner of speaking to each other changes. Sometimes they fade because people don't know how to use them properly, as is the case with the word whom:

Quinn: "Who did you go to the store with earlier?"

Peter: "I'm sorry, I can't hear people when they use incorrect grammar. You'll have to rephrase that to, Whom did you go the store with earlier?'"

Hmmm, Peter is feistier than I recommend, but he raises a good point. Let us examine the word whom and its confusion with the word who.

There are two main areas of confusion when it comes to separating who and whom. When who or whom are used in a question, the correct usage usually depends on whether they act as the subject or object of the sentence. When who or whom are not used in a question, the correct usage usually depends on whether they act as the subject or object of the subordinate clause in which they appear. We will examine each case below.

Questions

When they appear in a sentence that asks a question, the usage of the words who and whom are dependent upon their role as either the subject or the object of the sentence. The confusion often arises because it can be difficult to determine which part of the sentence is the subject and which part of the sentence is the object.

I) Subject:

The actor in the sentence. That which performs the action given by the verb.

Ex:

Subject/Object:
Peter blew his nose.

"Peter" is the subject because he is what "blew" the nose.

II) Object:

The thing that has the action (by the actor) done to it, with it, for it, etc. Using the example,

"nose" is the object because it is the thing that "Peter blew."

So let us examine Quinn's question again.

a) Ex:

Wrong:
Quinn: "Who did you go to the store with earlier?"

Right:
Quinn: "Whom did you go to the store with earlier?"

The subject is "you," because "you" (Peter) went to the store. "Who" refers to someone other than Peter. It refers to the person Peter went to the store with. Therefore, it cannot be the subject. It is the object, and it should be "Whom!" It is often easier to determine if the Whom/Who at the beginning of a sentence is a subject or an object if we restructure the sentence:

Original:
Quinn: "Whom did you go to the store with earlier?"

Restructured:
Quinn: "Earlier, you went to the store with whom?"

Now it's clear, but because of the structure of the original sentence, it was difficult to see.

b) Ex:

Wrong:
Quinn: "Whom is flying that kite?"

Right:
Quinn: "Who is flying that kite?"

What is the subject? It can't be "kite," because the "kite" isn't flying itself. The subject is the person that "is flying that kite." That means that "Whom" is the subject, and that the word should therefore be changed to "Who."

c) Ex:

Wrong:
Peter: "To who are you addressing that question?"

Right:
Peter: "To whom are you addressing that question?"

With Example c), we may be tempted to think that because of the arrangement of the sentence, the subject is the unknown person to whom the question is addressed. But the subject is "you" because it is "you" that is "addressing that question," and the object is the person to whom the question is addressed. We can see this clearly if we rearrange the sentence as follows:

Original:
Peter: "To whom are you addressing that question?"

Restructured:
Peter: "You are addressing that question to whom?"

Subordinate Clauses

When who or whom are not appearing at the beginning of a question, they are often tucked away as a subordinate clause—a clause that is not the main part of a sentence.

Ex:

Subordinate Clause/Independent Clause:
Peter is flying that kite because Quinn told him to go and fly one.

A subordinate clause usually gives us further information about the subject or the action of the sentence without itself being necessary to the sentence. In the sentence above, "because Quinn told him to go and fly one," is the subordinate clause because it explains why Peter is flying that kite and the sentence can stand alone without that information. The part that can stand alone, "Peter is flying that kite," is the independent clause of the sentence. So now that we know the difference...

a) Ex:

Wrong:
The conductor is the musician for who the orchestra plays.

Right:
The conductor is the musician for whom the orchestra plays.

In the "Wrong" example above, "for who the orchestra plays" is the subordinate clause. Because "who" appears first, we may mistake it for the subject of the subordinate clause. But it is the "orchestra" that is the subject because it is what "plays." Again, restructuring the clause can help us see the connection better:

Original:
...for whom the orchestra plays.

Restructured:
...the orchestra plays for whom.

For the last example, I'll give the sentence that I wrote in an earlier blog entry on the dash!

b) Ex:

Original:

"Although context may make their meaning clear, the problem with a lax approach is that it may lead to ambiguity or make such writings less credible to the discerning eyes of those whom know better."

Corrected:

"Although context may make their meaning clear, the problem with a lax approach is that it may lead to ambiguity or make such writings less credible to the discerning eyes of those who know better."

I was wrong when I originally wrote the sentence, because I was confused as to whether we parse the who/whom dilemma according to its overall role in the sentence or its role in the subordinate clause. Now we know that it is the subordinate clause that decides the fate of who or whom! The fact that the sentence is large and complex only adds to the opportunities for confusion. Nevertheless, "who" is the subject of the verb phrase "know better."

So, which is the correct pronoun for the title of this blog entry? Is it,

i) To Who It May Concern

or

ii) To Whom It May Concern?

If one is confused with whether or not to assign who or whom to a person or persons in a sentence, temporary or permanent restructuring of the sentence is a helpful technique. Restructuring temporarily shows that "It" is the subject; and so the correct answer is ii), as we can see with,

It May Concern Whom!

Sometimes we can't or shouldn't permanently restructure, and so we steel ourselves with the fiery knowledge that grammar is power, and our efforts are noble.